June 16, 2010

“Pray then like this: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. 10 Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. 11 Give us this day our daily bread, 12 and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.’ 14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:9-25).

In last week’s blog, I talked about commitment as a necessary ingredient to lasting marriages.  Among several responses came a response recommending forgiveness as another of those necessary ingredients.  Let’s think about that one.

(Why do I keep choosing topics for books -- marriage, forgiveness, etc. -- rather than for blogs?)

The Lord’s Prayer.  Simple.  To-the-point.  Childlike.  Foundational.  Actually, it might properly be labeled “The Disciples’ Prayer” since, on another occasion, Luke informs us that Jesus taught this to them at their request (Luke 11:1-ff).

Forgiven!  Free!  Free from that loan.  Free from that nasty, unthinking comment.  Free from offending my friend.

When was the last time someone said to you, “I forgive you”?  What a wonderful feeling.  Free.  Unhindered.  Guiltless.  I owe nothing.

Now for the hard part.  When was the last time you said, “I forgive you” … and truly meant it?  You truly sent that offense away, never to be brought up again?  That’s what forgiveness means.

On Israel’s Day of Atonement (Leviticus 16:20-22), a priest laid his hands on the head of a goat, confessing Israel’s sins.  Then that goat was led out into a remote area, sent into the wilderness, never to be seen again.

Picture that scene.  Every Israelite stands outside their tent, watching the priest praying, confessing Israel’s sin.  You could hear a pomegranate drop.  Then the priest leads the goat out of the camp.  All eyes strain.  The priest disappears over the last sand dune … then finally reappears on the horizon.  What a relief!  No goat!  Atoned … for another year!

In that picture is a wonderful truth.  To “forgive” is “to send away,” to let go, to permanently give up my rights to bring up that sin again.  Now, again, when was the last time you said, “I forgive you”, sent away a sin, and determined never to bring it up again?

Why is it that, since being forgiven is such a release, we are so reluctant to forgive another?  I think we WANT to hang on to that sin, we WANT to keep track of that offense.  It becomes our leverage, our power, our control over that person.  And we’ll be all too quick to bring it up again next time they …

Several years ago a friend verbally attacked me.  Later, he asked for my forgiveness.  At that moment I was overwhelmed with an irreversible choice.  I could hang on to that offense, bring it up again and again, batter my friend with it, perhaps destroy his credibility … or … I could forgive him, let it go, give up my rights to bring that offense back up against him.

I let it go.  I forgave him.  And at that moment, a great weight fell off my shoulders.  I didn’t have to work at remembering that wrong.  I didn’t have to file that one away in the “Ready for Retrieval” drawer.  If I brought it up again against him, I would become a liar.

A spouse is verbally abused … and chooses divorce instead of forgiveness.  A couple loses a child, blame each other, and choose divorce, instead of forgiveness.  A spouse is wronged, deeply wronged, but chooses to add that offense to a growing list to bring up again … perhaps at the divorce hearings.  Some couples don’t “believe in” divorce but carry around catalogues of their spouse’s offenses and sins, permanently crippling their marriage.

Please hear me out … the one who truly seeks forgiveness should do everything in their power to avoid that offense, that sin, again.  They should not be on the whining side of, “But Jesus said to forgive seventy times seven.”  In other words, if I’m truly sorry, I will work hard to change and to demonstrate genuine change.

Back to that “simple” child-like prayer.  “Forgive our debts AS we have forgiven our debtors.”  “Forgive us for our offenses and errors and sins because we have also exercised Christ-likeness in forgiving those who have offended us.”

Then … “but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”  Twist that any way you will.  It’s as plain as day.  Want to know God’s forgiveness?  Forgive!  Send it away!  It’s no longer in your arsenal!

Sometimes it’s in our best interest to forgive a person BEFORE they ever seek forgiveness.  If they seek forgiveness, they should be forgiven … the official forgiveness.  If they never seek your forgiveness, you must still forgive them in your heart, lest you carry the awful weight of that offense till it makes you sweaty and bitter and just plain old nasty.

Now, is there someone out there today you need to forgive?  A spouse?  A child?  A boss?  An employee?  A friend?  A neighbor?  Why are you waiting?


Pastor Don